Superpowers and Their Flaws

Hello there, my fellow Division Two students! Today I am here to talk to you about superpowers! Now, I know that probably once in your life you wished for an amazing and awesome superpower, but soon, you realized the crushing truth. There are no such things as superpowers and all your letters to Santa for super speed were for nothing.

Never fear! I am here to brighten up your day, and point out all the ridiculous flaws in each and every superpower. Well, not really. Maybe three.

The first superpower roasting is 'Ice Powers'. A certain protagonist in a certain Disney movie, with a certain annoying song (*cough* *cough*) has the same type of power I'm talking about.

Sure, it would be cool (see what I did there) to be able to freeze annoying people, or to make it snow every single day, but there are downsides, just you wait. Along with these powers, you might obtain an annoying little sister that won't leave you alone and will sing songs that will get on your nerves. Every. Single. Time. She won't leave you alone either! If you want some alone time, she will follow you on a 'quest' and bring along a random dude and a talking snowman who is also very pesky! People will consider you as an icy monster and run away screaming! Some people just don't understand talent these days. See, so that's one superpower you don't want.

The second superpower is 'Mind Reading'. Mind reading is pretty awesome, I have to admit. But think (hah, another pun) about all the useless things people are thinking, all the useless things you have to hear. One brain is hard to take care of. How about five? Or ten? Or seventeen!? Why do you want to hear this woman debating whether or not to get the triple combo? Why do you want to listen in on this guy thinking about how he should make a man bun?? I would stick with my own mind, thank you very much.

The last superpower that I'm going to unleash my fury on is 'Flight'. Yes, personally, flying is one of my favorite superpowers, but now it's time to see the faults.

Superman does it all the time, but there's a probable chance that you can get choked in midair with that dinky cape of yours. Not only that, but people will often mistake you as a bird, or a plane, or even a flying human shaped UFO when you're in the air, because people really need glasses these days. Another problem is that you need to be 'one with the birds' when you fly. You need to be the bird. But no matter what you do, birds are going to poop on you no matter what because they don't know what they're dealing with (Which is a big huge flying human who was too lazy to take the public transport and probably wearing a tight Speedo costume of some sort, but that's beside the point. We have pressing matters to discuss). There are a lot of problems with flying, but wait! There's more! You have to have enemies too! Maybe someone who is bald, wears green and rhyme with Chex Newther. Poor Superman. Always getting bird poop in his impeccable hair and being mistaken for a small feathered avian with two wings.

Don't pity him. Be glad you're not him.

So that's it for today! Be glad that you don't have a superpower! Hey, you can control the remote control, you can read your own mind, you can be naturally fabulous, so what's wrong? (Personally I would want the power to throw potatoes at random people and declare that "I AM THE POTATO VILLAIN, FEAR ME!" I'm getting off topic, ha)

Thank you for reading this superpower post! Wapow!